My Marriage: What Went Wrong?

Posted on by
10

All I can think of when it came to our marriage is a maze. We were caught in a maze. And we couldn’t find our way through—at least that’s the way it was for me. We set the date for a wedding, and so there were definite things to do to get ready. For my part, I had to find a place to live. Where I lived just wasn’t big enough for the two of us, and for the baby coming. Eventually, I found a rental townhouse that we both liked, and I moved in early to get things ready.

For her part, there was the wedding. I can’t remember being into it that much, but she was, and so was her mother. So, I guess I just agreed to everything.

To get off on the right foot, I thought a surprise honeymoon would be good. So, I went and talked to a travel agent and planned the whole thing—to the Bahamas for a week.

Let’s see, what next? Oh yea, the wedding. It went off without a hitch. No problems—that I remember. I helped move the bride in with me, and then we left for the Bahamas. She loved the whole experience, but not me so much. I was sick the whole time. It was like the flu, but different. I just think my system wasn’t use to being married; and I wasn’t adjusting well to my new bride. She was so different that me—younger and more extraverted. Yet I was confident that things would be fine—just fine.

After we got back from the Bahamas, I was anxious to get back to a normal life—my life. (Interestingly, just after she announced that she wanted me out, she said that the honeymoon was wonderful, but everything after that was terrible. She couldn’t think of one thing about our marriage that she liked.) So, I gave myself to my work, house painting. And I found that the harder I worked the better I felt—about myself and about life. But my regular job wasn’t enough. I also took up woodworking. With the baby coming soon, I would make a few things for the baby. I made a changing table, a little desk and chair, and a few other things. I felt I could do anything, and the extra work was making me feel good.

Oh, there were so many things I was involved in. In the evening I took a class at Bethel Seminary. I intended to finish my Seminary degree, but it didn’t work out. Oh well. I also decided to teach a first grade Sunday School class at church. We both did that for a long time—about five years.

What else? Oh, the kids. Yea, the kids were great. Four kids came to us: a girl, then a boy, then another boy, then another girl. I loved (love) all our kids, but she was tired of having them. And, as it turned out, she was tired of me. Out of the blue, even before the fourth baby came, she asked me for a divorce. What happened?

To this day, 39 years later, she still hasn’t told me why she wanted a divorce. She kept insisting that I knew and that she shouldn’t have to tell me. But whatever her reasons are, I have my own ideas of why the marriage went sour. Here are seven reasons:

1. I didn’t guard my purity. When I first met her and encountered her sexual advances, I should have been more guarded and backed away. If I would have done that it would have saved me from a bad marriage.

2. Too many differences. Our personalities are very different; our likes and dislikes are different; and I am 11 years older than her. The only thing that was similar was our natural attraction to each other.

3. Our spiritual levels were different. I had been a Christian for about 23 years and she had been saved for only a few months. My quiet times each day were (are) very important to me, but that whole idea was alien to her.

4. She didn’t leave her family. The bible instructs the husband and wife to leave father and mother and be joined to each other. I don’t think she did that.

5. I didn’t give her enough of my time. I didn’t try hard enough to know her and love her. I was too busy with my own stuff. I didn’t make her a high priority. Big mistake.

6. She didn’t know how to communicate. She gave up too soon. She kept too many things inside of her, and then once in a while she would let it out in anger, and I couldn’t deal with that; so I responded back in anger.

7. We didn’t know or understand each other. We didn’t take the time to develop that knowledge.

Okay, so much for the past. Here is what we should have done to get off to a good start. Rather, here is what any couple should do.

1. Wait for a natural attraction.  When you set out to find a mate in your church group or wherever you hang out with people, look for someone you are naturally attracted to.

2. Stay away from anyone who is only interested in a sexual relationship.

3. When you find someone you are interested in, ask them out on a date; someplace where you can talk. On the first or second date you should establish an understanding of what a date is, or what you intend to accomplish on a date. Set some ground rules, or guidelines, like, no sex, kissing or necking.

4. In your dating, set out to get to know each other and develop good communication skills.

5. Get to know what each other likes and dislikes.

6. Learn each other’s love language.

7. Learn how to work out your differences.

My Marriage Years: A Rocky Start

Posted on by
Reply

It all happened so fast, but I will have to admit that it was all my doing. I mean, I didn’t let it happen as I should have. I pushed it; I made all the choices. I remember so clearly that I wanted to be married, and I very calculatingly went after it. First, I made a list of all the possibilities; a list of about ten young women. I analyzed each one and put them into their proper order: #1, #2, #3, etc. I remember that I couldn’t decide which one I would go for. There were two that were very close. Both of them were in the church singles group, so I figured that with further observation it wouldn’t be hard to make a choice.

Well, one evening at one of the singles meetings, I had a rather intimate encounter with the top one on my list—the one who would be my future bride (I won’t give her name). Now that I am thinking about it, it was at her house and it happened after the meeting was over. I won’t go into the details of what happened, but let’s just say that, because of her insistence and my compliance, we ended up doing the dirty deed.

I don’t exactly remember what happened after that, I mean why I kept seeing her. I must have accepted the fact that her loose lifestyle was just one of those things that she hadn’t dealt with yet in her new Christian life—but that she would deal with soon. Anyway, I kept seeing her and dating her, even though we did have sexual relations occasionally. I was stuck.  I didn’t want to have an immoral relationship with her, but at the same time I wanted her. I felt that I loved her. Yes, that’s what I told myself.  And even though I would get these terrible headaches whenever I was close to her, at the same time I thought that I loved her. So, I pushed through it. We would be married.

I can’t remember what came first, my proposal of marriage or the news that she was pregnant with my child. Wow, that complicated things, yet we pushed on—and yes, she accepted my proposal. After only six months of dating, and with a child on the way, we were married.

Thinking back on what happened, there were some definite signs that I ignored, that if I had taken the time and effort to analyze and pray over them, I would have made better decisions.

One. After the first sexual encounter that she made on me, I should have stopped the relationship right there. That definitely was a sign that I should not have continues the relationship. I knew better. What was I thinking?

Two. As I mentioned, whenever we were together, even just walking and holding hands, I would get these terrible headaches. I should have recognized that that was a sign from God (and from nature) that our relationship was wrong. But I ignored it. Now I know that headaches are a definite indication that something is wrong. It was a clear indication that my peace with God was missing. Why didn’t I realize that?

Founders of BLM Want the Traditional Family Banished — Bill O’Reilly

Posted on by
1

In Bill O’Reilly’s Update Morning Edition, June 24, 2020, he gives us some valuable info about the founders of Black Lives Matter. The founders are three women:  39 yr old Alicia Garza, 36 yr old Patrisse Cullors, and 36 yr old Opal Tometi. They all are Marxists and they admit it and don’t hide it. Yet they want no publicity. What they want is to use racial unrest in the USA to gain power.

Now, as you may know, in Marxism the Federal government controls everything. There is no private property. The government even controls the family. On the Black Lives Matter website you will find this stated credence:

We disrupt the Western prescribed nuclear family structure requirement by supporting each other as extended families and villages that collectively care for one another, especially our children, to the degree that mother’s, parents, and children are comfortable.

In other word, says O’Reilly, “They want the traditional family banished.”

Now I ask you, DO YOU REALLY WANT TO SUPPORT THIS ORGANIZATION – BLACK LIVES MATTER? It’s not a good group. No matter how good it sounds. They are very radical. They want to destroy the American family and America itself. You see so far what they are doing—all the rioting. They really care nothing for black lives. If they did, they would be more concerned for all the African Americans being killed in Chicago. But they say nothing and do nothing about that. It seems like all they are concerned about now is to defund the police and abolish them. Then you will see even more black lives being killed.

Taking Oaths

Posted on by
Reply

Stephen Nielsen's avatarPrayer A to Z

Jesus teaching on this topic is from Matthew 5:33-37. He says,

Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform your oaths to the Lord.’  34 But I say to you, do not swear at all: neither by heaven, for it is God’s throne;  35 nor by the earth, for it is His footstool; nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King.  36 Nor shall you swear by your head, because you cannot make one hair white or black.  37 But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.

As D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones points out in his book, Studies In The Sermon On The Mount, the teaching of the Pharisees on the subject of oaths, from verse 33, “…are not to be…

View original post 418 more words

My Painting Business: Customers, Part 2

Posted on by
1
This is Mrs. Collins house. Sadly, just before I painted the house for the third time, the big tree in back had to be cut down.

I wish I would have kept records of my earliest customers—from 1981 to 1990. So many of them are long forgotten. Back then I never thought I would ever need those records. Those first customers were the most fought for, and, of course, they were all new. Mrs. Collins, for example, told me that her first impression of me wasn’t that good, because I came to do the estimate in shorts and a t-shirt. But after a while I guess she got to like me and the way I explained how I would do the work—and also, the page of references I gave her. She liked my work so much that I was called back three different times, every 7 years or so. The last time I painted the house it was up for sale. She was moving. So sad to see her go. But she did give me a lead on another house—her parents’ house. Of course, I got that job. I always get referrals.

This is Mrs. Hartill’s house. My crew is busy preping it for painting.

Another early customer was Mrs. Hartill. I can’t remember how exactly I got that job, either from an ad in a local paper, or she heard of me from a friend. Well anyway, Mrs. Hartill just happened to be the widow of my favorite professor at Northwestern College, J. Edwin Hartill. I was so surprised to find out who she was. The first job she had for me was the entire outside of the house. At that time, I had a crew of 3 or 4 of us—so we got it done pretty fast.

In the next few years, she also called me for some inside work, and those times it was just me. I will never forget her kindness and hospitality. At lunch break she always insisted that I eat with her. And she always had quite a spread—so many things to eat. But food wasn’t the only thing she offered me. Being the wife of Dr. Hartill, she of course was full of bible knowledge and good stories. I always came away from lunch not only with my stomach full but spiritually filled as well.

I think sometime in the mid 1980’s I met Jill Wilson. She had (has) a beautiful house on a lake. At the time, she was recently divorced and had three young kids and a pot belly pig that walked around inside the house like a dog. So funny. I think I painted that house about three times: in the 1980’s, and then about in 1995, and again about 2000.

I sort of lost track of her for a few years, but then her friend surprisingly knew me and spoke of me. I had painted for her too. So, Jill got a hold of me again. It was so good to see her again and paint for her again. Her kids now are all grown up, and one of her girls, now married, has also given me some work. She is also very friendly just like her mom.

I think I met Dick and Kate in the early 90’s just when I was going through my divorce. I think I have painted their entire house three times. I also did some inside painting and wallpapering, and even some painting at their cabin. Oh, I also have done quite a bit of painting of their many offices that they own. So, they have really kept me busy.

They are a little hard to deal with at times, and Dick for some reason likes to help out—he slows me down. On the plus side, they are so hospitable and always insist that I join them for lunch every day when I am working. Kate will talk my ear off with her stories, but I have grown to just love her—and Dick too.

Silvia Belmont is a real gem. She is in her 90’s, but still gets around and plays her grand piano every day.  She has a very heavy Norwegian accent, and I love to hear her talk. I’ve painted the outside of her house four or five times. I never get tired of working for her. Recently, she took a fall and had some brain damage. I hope she recovers, but I know God will take her soon.

I have done work for so many wonderful people over the years. Many of them have moved away or passed on. I wish I could remember them all, especially those early ones; I foolishly destroyed their files. I counted about 20 clients that I presently have that I have done work for, for over 30 years. It’s so good to have kept them for customers this long.

Since I am retired now (have been retired for five years), I think my business will soon be ending. But some of my memories of customers will always remain, and I thank God for them. At first my business was all about work, work, work—to make money. But as the years past, I have learned not to work so hard and not to be so focused on making money. It is better to concentrate on doing a good job, whatever it takes. A good reputation and happy customers are far better than earning a little extra money. And who knows what influence as a Christian worker I will have made on a customer—both for the good work I do and also for my conversation with them.

A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favour rather than silver and gold (Proverbs 22:1).

Another Nature Walk

Posted on by
1

I took the first detour off the paved path and immediately saw these beautiful flowers.

I walked a little ways down the narrow path and saw this flower. So beautiful, especially with the slight shadow on its pedals.

I came to this familiar trail. It leads to the creek. I hear voices nearby.

Ah, some happy kayakers enjoying the day.

My Painting Business: Customers

Posted on by
1
This is one of the first houses I painted. I think I painted it three times over the years.

My business has always been primarily to homeowners. From when I started the business (in 1981) to the present (2020), I’m sure I have acquired over 1000 satisfied customers from over 30 localities in the Minneapolis area. I had a vision of really spreading out: I went out as far west as Minnetonka (you will have to look on a map), as far south as Burnsville, as far east as Oakdale, and as far North as Andover. But now, especially since I am retired, I see the wisdom in staying as close to home as possible. It saves on gas and it doesn’t take as long to get to work.

One of the most valuable lessons I have learned over the years is to do whatever I can to please a client, and then do whatever it takes to keep that client. I would rather have satisfied repeat customers then to always have to advertise in order to get new customers. Don’t get me wrong, I like new customers, but advertising takes money. Also, if you have satisfied customers many of those will tell their friends what a good job you did, and those friends will call you for a job. I hate to brag, but for the last 20 years I haven’t spent a penny on advertising. I don’t have too; people just call me for work. Either they are repeat customers or they have heard about me from a friend. At the beginning of my business I had to advertise all the time. That’s normal. But you shouldn’t have to keep doing that.

Okay, what I do to keep track of my clients is this. As soon as I finish a job, I file the proposal for that client. Then at the end of the year I record all those jobs in my computer with their names, addresses, phone number, date of the job, and cost of the job. That’s fairly easy.  The hard part for me is calling them. I try to call every client I have at least once a year, to ask them if they need any more painting. Most of them don’t, but some do. And most of them are thankful that I called and will call me later—sometimes months later. But that’s okay.

One of the things I really love about this business is getting to know people over the years, and seeing them satisfied with the work I do for them. It’s extremely rewarding.

In my next post I will tell you about some of my favorite and most faithful clients—and maybe share some great stories.

My Painting Business: Employees

Posted on by
1

In previous blog posts, I talked about the start of my painting business: my advertising, my biding on jobs, and buying ladders and a truck. Today I will talk about hiring help (employees). When I started out, in 1981, I just hired one guy—a friend. I suppose I could have done the work myself, since I didn’t have a great deal of it; but I went on faith that more work would come in and I wanted to be ready when it did.

As it turned out, each year brought in a little more work; and so, more employees were needed. According to my records, my best year was in 1987. And so, as I remember, I had the most employees then, about 6 or 7. Those were the days. It was fun having that many workers, but also hard keeping track of everything.

I’ve always done my own payroll and taxes, and I also have been the only one to train the workers and supervise them. I guess I never have been too much of a business man, or else I would have known more about how to grow my business. My main focus has always been on doing a good job at painting and making sure my workers had the same focus. For some reason, I could never just supervise; I had to always be working myself. And that made it extra hard, because I always had one eye on the work I was doing, and the other eye on watching a new worker—making sure he was doing what I wanted him to do.

After 1987, the workload, and also the employees, gradually decreased. But surprisingly, my income did not decrease. I learned how to make money having fewer employees. I learned that paying a few good employees more money was more cost efficient that paying many so so employees less. I also learned that I could get just as many jobs if I charged more. People were willing to pay more if I could convince them that I would be doing a good job. Since 1997 I haven’t had any employees. Wow! That’s 23 years without employees. And I’ve been doing fine. I don’t make quite as much money now, but its been easier.

One of the things that was always hard from year to year when I had employees, was having to lay off most (or all) of them in the fall, because of a lack of work, and then have to re-hire new employees in the spring. I really didn’t mind the hiring process, but I hated the fact that all, or most of the guys that I had to lay off were forced to get other steady work. So, all the training I did was just for one year, and then I had to start all over again the next year.

But there were two guys that did come back from year to year: Kevin and Dave. I hired both of them in 1985, and they lasted until 1991. They were by far the best workers I had—which says a lot about the wisdom of sticking with good workers, even if you have to continue to give them raises. I would rather pay a lot for good help then to hire a lot of cheap help.

Next time I will talk about all the great customers I have gained over the years.

Will there be tears in heaven at the bema?

Posted on by
Reply

Stephen Nielsen's avatarStudying Bible Prophecy

 

This is a difficult topic, and in order to answer it we must look at a few Scriptures to get a clear understanding of it. First of all, the main passage in Revelation 21:4 that we generally go to that mentions tears must be taken in its proper context. What this verse is telling us is that in heaven, or in the eternal state, there will be no tears, nor will there be death or mourning or crying or pain. Now the question is, when will these things be wiped away or taken away? Well, it seems logical to me that they will disappear instantly when we are translated into the eternal state…or into heaven.

Another passage that confirms what we are saying is 1 Corinthians 15:52-55. It is the famous Rapture passage. It speaks of our changing into what is “imperishable,” and when we put on “immortality.”  Then…

View original post 526 more words