My Marriage Years: A Rocky Start

It all happened so fast, but I will have to admit that it was all my doing. I mean, I didn’t let it happen as I should have. I pushed it; I made all the choices. I remember so clearly that I wanted to be married, and I very calculatingly went after it. First, I made a list of all the possibilities; a list of about ten young women. I analyzed each one and put them into their proper order: #1, #2, #3, etc. I remember that I couldn’t decide which one I would go for. There were two that were very close. Both of them were in the church singles group, so I figured that with further observation it wouldn’t be hard to make a choice.

Well, one evening at one of the singles meetings, I had a rather intimate encounter with the top one on my list—the one who would be my future bride (I won’t give her name). Now that I am thinking about it, it was at her house and it happened after the meeting was over. I won’t go into the details of what happened, but let’s just say that, because of her insistence and my compliance, we ended up doing the dirty deed.

I don’t exactly remember what happened after that, I mean why I kept seeing her. I must have accepted the fact that her loose lifestyle was just one of those things that she hadn’t dealt with yet in her new Christian life—but that she would deal with soon. Anyway, I kept seeing her and dating her, even though we did have sexual relations occasionally. I was stuck.  I didn’t want to have an immoral relationship with her, but at the same time I wanted her. I felt that I loved her. Yes, that’s what I told myself.  And even though I would get these terrible headaches whenever I was close to her, at the same time I thought that I loved her. So, I pushed through it. We would be married.

I can’t remember what came first, my proposal of marriage or the news that she was pregnant with my child. Wow, that complicated things, yet we pushed on—and yes, she accepted my proposal. After only six months of dating, and with a child on the way, we were married.

Thinking back on what happened, there were some definite signs that I ignored, that if I had taken the time and effort to analyze and pray over them, I would have made better decisions.

One. After the first sexual encounter that she made on me, I should have stopped the relationship right there. That definitely was a sign that I should not have continues the relationship. I knew better. What was I thinking?

Two. As I mentioned, whenever we were together, even just walking and holding hands, I would get these terrible headaches. I should have recognized that that was a sign from God (and from nature) that our relationship was wrong. But I ignored it. Now I know that headaches are a definite indication that something is wrong. It was a clear indication that my peace with God was missing. Why didn’t I realize that?

My Retirement: Life Is Slower These Days

This is the trail I walked on just after I wrote this post.

My retirement. Let’s see. Where to start. Life is a little slower these days. Everything is in small increments. I plan it that way. I am 69 years old. I have been officially retired since I turned 63. Or was it 64? Actually, I’m only semi-retired. I still work a little. I have had a residential painting business since 1981, and I occasionally get calls from faithful clients. I am proud to say that most of them still like me and know I will do a good job for them—so if it’s a small job, I don’t mind doing it. I can always use the money.

It’s Saturday morning and I’m at Perkins, trying to decide if I should get pie. I may not be able to resist—even though I had a great breakfast. Yes, pie would be good. Pie and coffee. Ah, life is good. God is good!

Now that I’m on the subject, I will share my breakfast schedule. I don’t know why, but much of my doings is scheduled these days: my eating, my time, my jobs, my duties—everything. I like to think ahead and know what I’m doing. I guess it makes me feel more secure and in control. But I know that as a Christian I must also leave room for the Holy Spirit to lead me. So I will not be too set to my to do list.

 So my breakfast schedule is this: Saturday is Perkins, Sunday is coffee and doughnuts at church, Monday I will eat at Panera—Coffee and steel cut oatmeal, Tuesday at McDonalds (cheaper), Wednesday I will eat oatmeal with fresh pineapple at home (I make it), Thursday and Friday are a little more flexible, but I usually go back to Panera again. And when I go out to eat, I always stop at my favorite gas station to buy a newspaper, and I usually bring a book too. I do most of my reading when I eat.

I don’t think I mentioned that I am single—divorced. But I’m happy to be single. It gives me more freedom to do what I want to do. I don’t think I’m a selfish person. I like people. But I also enjoy living by myself.  I regard it as a gift of God; and I think He has called me to it.

I was reading this morning from Psalm 139:5, how God has enclosed me behind and before, and He has His hand on me. He not only keeps me safe; He keeps me feeling secure, and I know that He is always near me. He takes me gently through the different phases of life. He knows what I need, and even gives me things (services) that He wants me to do. He keeps me busy doing His work.

Mainly, I think that the service He has given me is writing. For the last 30 years I have been writing as a self-publisher. I also do blogs. I have two other blogs going besides this one. So writing keeps me very busy, and I am glad to be doing it. I don’t make much money on it, but I’m still glad to do it. It’s the Lord’s work and I know that the benefit people will get from it will be my heavenly reward. It is now filling up my heavenly treasure chest. Well, I think this post is finished, and I didn’t even have pie. But I feel fine—very content.