Tag Archives: sexual abuse

Why I Went to Western Seminary for Only One Year

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I was fully intending to get a Masters degree at Western, and therefore to remain there for as long as it took. However, something happened that caused me to change my mind. I was sitting in the library at a large table reading, or studying, or just preparing for my next class, when this woman, who happened to be sitting across from me, asked me in very quiet voice (as it was in the library) if I could possibly help her carry some things into her apartment that were too heavy for her.

Well, being a gentleman, and seeing an opportunity to help someone in need, I gladly said I would. She gave me the address and I was there at the time she wanted me to come. Her things really weren’t that heavy, and when I stepped into her apartment, for some reason she started crying and unloading her problems. So, I sat down and listened and tried to show her some sympathy. And then, still crying, she came closer to me and began unbuttoning my shirt. Well, I wasn’t sure what was happening or what her intentions were, but I knew it was wrong. I can’t remember in detail what I did next, but I know that I excused myself and left.

The next day, trying not to think too much about what happened the day before, and not wanting to run into her, I just put my head down in my books and continued with my studies as always. But I did run into her. And once again she needed help, and I agreed to help here again. And, you guessed it, the same thing happened. What was I thinking? Well, clearly, I wasn’t thinking very rationally.  Maybe I was just wanting to give her a second chance at doing the right thing. And maybe I thought I could help her and counsel her and pray with her. Yes, I remember doing that. But I also remember that she wanted to undress me as before—and she tried without success.

Now you probably are thinking that I had learned my lesson, that I would never agree to help her again. But you would be wrong. She came to me a third time and asked me, desperately, to help her again. And I did. And the same thing happened with the buttons. But this time I was willing to let her continue. Apparently, I can’t remember, but apparently, I had given in to her wishes, and into my lusts before I even arrived at her apartment. I was not vigilant against sin. I was not prayerful or in any way prepared. So, she undressed me, and herself, and sin happened. But only for a few minutes. Thankfully, it was interrupted by her having to use the rest room. And then, suddenly, I was compelled to escape. I quickly dressed and ran out the door. She followed me, being still naked, but I was long gone.

The next day she saw me in the library and smiled. Then for the first time I knew what she was, and I also knew more about myself. I never came near her again—though I could tell that she was still after me. Soon I decided that I would finish that year in Western—which was almost over—and not return. My decision was final, and it was based on the feeling that I was no longer qualified to be in ministry. Looking back at it, I think I should have at least talked to Dr. Rodmocker the President of the Seminary. I’m not sure I would have changed my mind, but I know I should have done that. Also, there is something else that I haven’t done until now: I haven’t taken the time to really evaluate what happened. Thanks to this blog post, I have recently spent a good deal of time doing just that.

First of all, as for the woman, I don’t know of her background or the details of how she may have been abused, but I think it must have happened. She no doubt had mental and emotional problems, and I think she also had a sexual addiction. In my brief study of this I read that sex is used to escape depression, to cope with stress and to medicate pain. I saw in her a terrible depression and she was definitely trying to use sex with me to medicate her pain.

Why didn’t I see who she was? Why was I taken in by her three different times? I see now five reason why: 1) I felt sorry for her and saw an opportunity to help someone in need; 2) I was seeking friendship and she was friendly; 3) I wanted to give her a second chance; 4) I had no discernment or wisdom and I wasn’t prayerful; and 5) in the end, I had a secret sexual desire that I was denying and it finally came out.

Do I have any regrets about my decision to quit Seminary?  Sometimes I wonder what would have been different for me if I had stuck it out and graduated at Western. I think that if I had talked to someone at the Seminary and confessed my part of it, they may have forgiven me and let me stay. At the same time, I sort of feel that I did the right thing in quitting, that God used that incident to point me in a different direction. If I had a chance to change my decision, I don’t think I would do it differently, mainly because I wasn’t that good of a student anyway, and I was growing weary of all the studying with getting hardly any sleep—since I had to work so much. I had no free time at all. So anyway, I felt at peace about it and I just continued on in life, day by day. What else could I do? God is good.

8th and 9th Grade: The Good and the Bad

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After 7th grade, where I lived in Montevideo, we moved again, back to Minneapolis. I think I remember that my dad wasn’t doing too well and spent some time in a mental hospital. Meanwhile, my mom was working full time as a secretary and us kids were fending for ourselves.

I don’t remember how it all happened, but I got involved with a Christian group called Hi-C Club. It was a Jr. High branch of the Campus Crusade for Christ group in Minneapolis. I remember our first meeting in the home of one of the girls in the group. We all, about a dozen of us, sat in the living room waiting for the leader to arrive. He was about ten minutes late and came huffing and puffing to the door, saying that he had run all the way. Strange guy. He ran everywhere. Anyway, he gave his testimony about how he came to Christ, and he got us all excited about the group and about being Christians. Looking back on it, that group was just what I needed at that time. It was my first introduction to Christianity since I received Christ a year ago at camp.

We not only did bible studies; we did a lot of fun activities and games. And when one of the leaders challenged us to do beach evangelism, I jumped right in. We memorized a booklet called the Four Spiritual Laws, and then we headed for the beach on Lake Calhoun. It was so scary at first, but after a few encounters, me and my buddy Gary really got into it. Of course, the thing that excited us was the few converts we got. People were actually praying to receive Christ!

The junior high school, Jefferson Jr. High, was about ten or twelve blocks away. Instead of taking the bus, for some reason my mom wanted us to walk to school. It took a long time, over half an hour. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to lug my trombone with me all the time, but I had to bring it home because I had to practice.

Playing the trombone was probably the thing I liked best about 8th and 9th grade. I was in the band and the instructor gave all of us free lessons. He was hard on us—on me, but I learned how to play, and I loved playing in the band. The band wasn’t that good, but we sure had fun. One of the things the band instructor would always tell me was that I was playing too loud! But I couldn’t help it. That’s the only way I knew how to play.

At the time, I was going to a Presbyterian church just two blocks away. It was a little different than what I was use to—like free churches, Baptist churches, and even charismatic churches. So, you can imagine that this Presbyterian church was different, more formal or liturgical. But I didn’t mind.

My Sunday School teacher was also the church basketball coach, and I was on the team. I didn’t make too many points, but I was fairly good at defense. And anyway, it didn’t seem to matter that much to the coach. In fact, he had more than just basketball on his mind. He was out to befriend us. I later found out that he was a pervert, or a pedophile. But at the time I really didn’t know what to think of him. A couple of times he had me and another guy (a fellow basketball player) over to his house for the night. For some reason he chose me to share his bed. I had no idea what he was up to until he did it to me. And then I still wasn’t sure what happened. Living on the farm, away from everything, I had really been sheltered, and no one told me anything about sex. I kind of knew that what happened to me was wrong, yet at the same time I wondered if it was normal—if it was just something every boy would go through.

One fall, I think it was in October, the coach took me and this same player for a week long camping trip in Lake of the woods. It would have been so much fun and a great adventure if it hadn’t been spoiled by what he did to me during the night—as before. Again, I asked myself, was this normal? (years later I found out that my brother Mark had been abused by this same guy. He too was in his Sunday School class. And I heard that when my dad found out he was furious. Evidently, he had been doing this to boys for years and getting away with it.)

Well, wouldn’t you know it, a few months later, in the summer time, some kids from our Christian group had a swimming party. I can’t remember all the details of what happened, but, as I remember, the guy I got a ride with couldn’t give me a ride home and said I could ride with these old guys that he knew. Anyway, on the way back they stopped at their place, and they offered me a drink. I didn’t know what it was, but it sure hit me hard. After a while the whole room was spinning around and they were laughing. I couldn’t see straight and I couldn’t walk. And they led me, and sort of dragged me, to a bedroom and forced me down onto a bed. One of them had his way with me and I could hear that the other guy was in the room too. In a way I was kind of thankful to be drugged, because it kept me from knowing exactly what when on—though I remember some of it.

Thank God, it only lasted a couple hours and then they took me home. The next day I went for a long run in an attempt to clean out my system, and I’m sure I was praying along the way. I think I had come to realize that what had happened to me, both with my Sunday School teacher and with these old guys, wasn’t at all right or normal. The devil was after me. He wanted to destroy my life. That’s the last time I was abused by anyone; but it was just the beginning of what Satan had planned for me. Though I was a child of God and eager to serve Him, I could sense that Satan was constantly after me to destroy me in one way or another.

Help for The Sexually Abused

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When I was about 14 years old I was sexually abused.  I won’t go into it, but it happened 3 or 4 times and it has had a very disturbing and harmful effect on my life. I know that many have been abused (and raped) much more than me, and my devastation is small compared to theirs. I can imagine the pain and bitterness and anger they feel, and how they have cried out to God and found no help. I know that there are many young girls and boys who have gone through much—much more than me. And we should pray for a them that God will hear their cries. 

The Outcry to the Lord against Sodom and Gomorrah

When Abraham was called by the Lord to go into the land of Israel, he brought with him Sarah his wife and his nephew Lot. And, as it happened, Lot settled in the beautiful valley of the Jordan near the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. And the men there were wicked and sinned greatly against the Lord (Gen. 13:13). Well, the bible tells us that the outcry to the Lord against Sodom and Gomorrah was so great that He decided to destroy the cities (and the people) by fire (Gen. 18:20; 19:13).

I’m not sure if we know for sure who was crying out to the Lord. At first I assumed it was all the people in the cities who were being sexually abused. Then I thought that since the wicked abusers also suffer a penalty for their perversion (Rom. 1:27), they may also be crying out. I also have considered that it could be angels who have witnesses the evil doings and have cried out. I’m not sure if we can know for certain; but certainly, it would come from the innocent young people. 

Nonetheless, if you read the account of the evil there (from Gen. 18:20-19:29), it will make you sick to read just how lustful and perverted the men of Sodom were—both young and old, and how they came at Lot and his two guests (angels who looked like men) in order to have sex with them.  Those cities were undeniably wicked; and by the description, the people had given themselves over to unnatural lusts and homosexual perversion. Thus, God had no option but to destroy them all, except Lot and his two daughters; they were spared.

God Will Hear Our Cries and Bring Justice

Let the people cry out, and God will hear them. It may take a while, but He will hear us and He will bring justice and vengeance to our enemies. In the book of Revelation (Rev. 6:10-11), during the Tribulation, many will be martyred for their faith, and from heaven they will cry out to God to avenge their blood. It says.

And they cried out with a loud voice, saying, “How long, O Lord, holy and true, wilt Thou refrain from judging and avenging our blood on those who dwell on the earth?” 11 And there was given to each of them a white robe; and they were told that they should rest for a little while longer, until the number of their fellow servants and their brethren who were to be killed even as they had been, should be completed also.

In this passage we see that justice is so important. That God will not let the guilty go unpunished. He will hear the cries of those who have been sinned against, and He will judge the guilty.

God’s Commandment to Us Regarding Homosexuality

We have already seen (in Genesis) how God treated the people who were inflicted with that sin. It became so bad that He had to destroy them all. Eventually God rose up a people who would follow Him and be His own. Through them he would show the world His will. It was through His servant Moses that He gave this commandment to all men: “Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable.”

The Progression of Sin Leading to And Beyond Homosexuality

In Romans 1:18-32, Paul shows us the progression of sin, and through it all how His wrath is revealed against the sinner. Note how the sin of unnatural affection, or homosexuality, comes about through man’s own choices. Here is the passage followed by the 7-point progression.

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. 20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. 21 For even though they knew God, they did not honor Him as God, or give thanks; but they became futile in their speculations, and their foolish heart was darkened. 22 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the form of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures.

24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, that their bodies might be dishonored among them. 25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen.

26 For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, 27 and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error.

28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper, 29 being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; 32 and, although they know the ordinance of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.

  1. They suppressed the truth by their wickedness. The truth about God was plain to them, but they chose not to believe it.
  2. Their foolish heart was darkened. They became blind to the truth.
  3. They became idol worshippers. They chose to worship other things instead of God.
  4. God gave them up to their sinful desires. They chose sexual impurity with one another.
  5. God gave them over to shameful and unnatural lusts and unnatural relations. Men had sexual relations with men and women with women.
  6. They received the due penalty in themselves for their perversion. We are not told what this is, but we may assume it is guilt, sorrow and disease.
  7. God gave them over to a depraved mind, so that they would do what ought not to be done. They were filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, etc. (from vv. 29-32).