Tag Archives: self publishing

Distress, Regret, Worry

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These are the best words I can think of. Here’s my story. I am in the process of republishing a few of my books. I’m not the best at it, but I insist on doing everything myself (I’m a self-publisher). I am mostly redoing the book covers. Well, I won’t go into all the details, but it is a little tricky getting everything to line up and looking good. Then next, I have to submit it and buy a copy of the book. And when I get it back in the mail (in print form), I have to inspect it for its approval. If it looks good to me I will mark it as approved and then it is put on the market. However, if it is not right—for instance if the title and authors name on the edge of the book are not centered—I have to fix it and send it back again and go through the whole process again, which takes at least another two or three weeks. Well, sometimes it is Lulu’s (the publisher) fault and sometimes my fault. But regardless, it’s a headache and I get a feeling of regret over the loss of time and money. Sometimes I have to go through the approval process three or four times. I hate the waiting! I regret the waiting.

Or maybe it’s not entirely regret. Maybe it’s partly just grumbling and complaining and worry—and all distress.

Last night I had a good sleep and God allowed me to dream. I was in another world. I woke up refreshed. But then two seconds after I woke up I remembered my publishing problem and I said to myself, “Oh no, I am here again in this real world of distress.” I thanked the Lord for allowing me to escape for the night in my dreams, and I also prayed He would somehow take away my regret and distress—my feeling of loss, or whatever this bad feeling is.

You know, I think this feeling is what hell will be like—an eternity of regret over loss, and over my mistakes. And not being able to do anything about it.

But as time passes I am hopeful that God will give me more positive, peaceful, hopeful thoughts. Just to read and meditate on Scripture and anything more positive helps. And praying over it helps. God will help. Scripture tells us that praying about our problems will cause the peace of God that surpasses all comprehension to guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Phil. 4:6-7). Here, I take it that because of our union with Christ when we pray, Jesus will give us a supernatural inner peace and will guard and protect our being. Sounds wonderful. Just thinking about it is giving me hope.

More thoughts. I regret mistakes I make at my painting, but that’s different because I can fix it the next day. In the publishing world you have to wait and wait and wait.

And there are many other losses people have to deal with, like their house burning down and having to rebuild. Some people deal with theses things well, others don’t.

I’m reading about Jonathan Edwards. He had some real distresses to deal with. After serving as head Pastor in a church for over twenty years, because of a controversy over communion, a few leaders in the church expelled him. I’m sure he and his large family suffered a great loss. But was Janathan overcome with regret and sorrow? No. He remained strong in faith. He said, “The Lord has not forsaken us, nor suffered us to sink under our trials. He has in many respects exercised a fatherly care of us in our distresses.”

And God did have another mission for him as he began a mission to a group of Indians located about 100 miles west in the deep wilderness. It was a calling he was prepared for since he already had a prayer burden for them.

The Lord is Good

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I have been under some stress and depression lately, and have been praying for relief. I won’t give you all the details, but it has to do with my self-publishing—trying to get everything right.

Well, I believe the Lord had a hand in making me laugh through the newspaper comics today. Usually, out of the eight comics I read, one or two of them are funny. Today five of them were funny; one of them made me laugh out loud. It was the “Rhymes with Orange” strip. Anyway, these cows in the pasture had an emotional support animal with them: a chicken, a pig, a rabbit and a turtle!

Somehow I knew it was from the Lord. Who knew He would use comic strips to bring His grace to me. His ways are perfect and He knows what we need. Psalm 145: 8-9 says,

The Lord is gracious and merciful;

Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness.

9 The Lord is good to all,

And His mercies are over all His works.

Update: Mostly about John Wesley

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I will start with my writing. I’m writing every day. My new book project is on Heaven. So far, I’m still doing research. Also, at the same time I’m redoing a few books—mostly book covers. Oh, I also have a new publishing name: Zenyl Publishing. What do you think of the name?

John Wesley

I have about a dozen Heroes of the Faith books that I’m reading. I recently read about Martin Luther and William Tyndale. Now I’m reading John Wesley—almost finished. John was an interesting character. His parents, Samuel and Susanna, were hard working farmers, and Samuel was a preacher. All of their ten children (7 girls and 3 boys) were well educated at home. I was amazed at their very strict and early education schedule. “Every minute of every day was planned.” John in particular was very studious. From age five he started to read (from the bible). He also learned Greek, Hebrew, and Latin, along with the regular courses like math, history and music. Then in 1720, at seventeen, John went to collage in the town of Oxford in London, where he was schooled mainly in the classics.

It was during this time that he decided to become a cleric like his father. And he also began to lead a group called “The Holy Club.” Everyone in the club had to abide by a very strict and moral code.

Well, to my surprise, even as John was brilliant in his writing and preaching, and even in his holiness, he had serious doubts about his salvation. And this was revealed to him mainly because of his fears of death (during a few skirmishes with enemies). But, in God’s providence, he had certain Moravian friends who had no such fear of dying. Hence, through the private tutoring of these Moravians and by his own prayers, John came to have an assurance of his faith; and he grew into a very dynamic preacher; and even though he was often pelted with stones, nearly to death, he had no fear!

And besides his fears (which he overcame) he had another weakness. For some reason he thought he had to minister to, and tutor, every young woman that he was attracted to. And he fell in love with them all—but never could commit to any of them because of his ministry commitments. I counted six women. But the seventh one his brother Charles convinced him to marry. Well, he did marry her, but not for love; and she soon left him in a rage because of his lack of attention to her.

Well, as we know, those holy clubs developed into a movement called the Methodists; and John was its leader. I don’t know much about the Methodist church—except that they are quite liberal. I don’t think they are anything like what John intended them to be. At first I’m sure the Methodist were a godly people, and I suppose that many of our true Christian churches came from those Methodists. But if there is one thing I am grateful for it is the hymns that John and Charles wrote that are still in our hymn books.